Slowly but Surely

Today, I bought a pair of shoes for a child in Africa, saved 7.9 sq feet of the rain forrest, sponsored a child in another 3rd world country, donated to Brest Cancer Research, saved a small part of the coral reef, signed a petition to stop violence against women in large cities, protected an endangered wolf, and donated a bowl of rice to a child in Africa. Little tiny small steps, but steps nonetheless.

I am simply, purely, and insanely HAPPY!
Things in my life has been going all sorts of ways. A lot of them have been okay. Some....not so great. Then, I have the ones that make me so happy that I forget how to breathe. But, nonetheless, the happiest thing that I've found is that I can make myself happy. I don't have to depend on outside sources. I am perfectly content being by myself (Yet extremely happy that I don't have to be). I love it.

Sha-Kon-O-Hey. I take my home with me where ever I go

My home is not where I live. My home is where I am. I can imagine it and I am there. I am mostly in the mountains. I sometimes think that I'm a little sparrow. That I can just fly away. That I can just float up and look down on all my problems and tell them goodbye as I fly away. I used to take offense when folks would tell me that I "escape reality". Now, I marvel in it! I don't necessarily escape it, I just substitute in my own. My life is beautiful. The people in my life are beautiful!

Sounds of Nature

I can hear the rippling water falling gently
From the waterfall that I have found
From the meadow I hear meadowlarks a singing
Seems there's sounds of nature all around
I can hear the wind go whistling through the treetops
I hear raindrops falling softly to the ground
In the distance I can hear the roar of thunder
Seems there's sounds of nature all around
Sounds of nature fill the air with music
How I love and cherish every sound
I often kneel in prayer to thank the Master
For the sounds of nature all around
In a barren tree a lonesome dove is calling
For its mate that's nowhere to be found
In the garden I hear honeybees a humming
Sounds of nature fill the air with music
Seems there's sounds of nature all around

First Performance

Today was our first WV's sacred show. I have to say that it went amazing! The song that is our "signature" song, is called "Top Of My Lungs". I have the solo in that one (belted a high E at 10:30 in the morning. I was quite proud!). The more I listen to it and the more I sing it, the more I feel my heart opening. I couldn't help it but, during the climax of the song I just started raising my hand and jumping. I felt so free. Our last song of the set was "Stranger". Erica has that solo and I play bass. That too was amazing! There is a part where only the drums play and the singers sing. I just started singing the meoldy line like as loud as I possibley could. I got a couple looks like "what are you doing?", but I didn't care. I loved it! I can see God reaching out to me and me actually letting Him this time. I"m excited to see what else happens. It's not supposed to be an easy journey. If it were, everyone would do it. So, here I am, and I'm feel another chapter coming on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY1Mj6J1YAY

I'll praise Your name. I'm not ashamed!

"The magic is inside you. There aint no crystal ball."

My name is Hannah. I am a determined and fun-loving person. I can also become sad and pathetic sometimes. I love God. I love to smoke. Yes, it's bad for me and I'll quit someday. I've come to the conclusion that some things that I have put deep thought into don't really require it and I should just go with the flow. Example 1. Why I drink? There is no real reason. I just do it. Yes, sometimes it can get out of hand, but then sometimes I have the best conversations of my life. I've thought that I hope one day that it wouldn't become a problem....I highly doubt it ever will be. I like to do, it doesn't consume my life. 2. Why I have such big dreams? Because I'm simply meant to. That's pretty much all. 3. Is there really a God? Yes, He is more real to me now, than He was when I felt like I was on top of the world. I can see why people can question that, but it doesn't make sense to look at outside influences for the answers. The answers really are inside of you. When you are looking for God, you can't trust outside sources because they are not you. We are all special and unique and we all have that ability to find ourselves. Just freakin' LOOK! How do I do anything. I have to want to or make myself. No one else can. They can try to influence me, but whether or not I give into that influence (good or bad) is my choice. What I'm basically saying is that we have the power to be amazing, but we have to see it in ourselves and honestly believe it. People can say how great we are until they are blue in the face, but it's up to us whether we believe it or not. Be your own person!!!!!! Just go with the flow! (This post is directed to the human race as a whole. kthanksbye)

Uncomfortable

All of my suitemates are sitting in the commons area planning their weddings. They are showing pictures of their dresses, what colors they are having, who is in their bridal party, when it's going to be, and how they can't wait to spend the rest of their lives with the man they love. All I can say is that I feel awkward. Here I am 20 years old and I'm about as single as they come. This has been bugging me for about a year or so. I'm not unnattractive, nor do I lack personality. I don't fear commitment, in fact, I would love to feel commited to someone. So, what's the problem? I have no idea. I'm not expecting a fairy tale or my prince charming. I just want to feel loved like I know that I could be. I want to wake up in the morning and they be the first person I think about. I want them to think about me when they wake up. Yeah, I'm goofy and silly and not many people take me serious (that is unless you know my deepest self). But, I take love very literally. The more I think about the more I think that I'm just meant to be alone for the rest of my life. I keep telling myself that I am just married to my dreams. Well there has to be a happy median somewhere. I don't want to be the cat lady. I don't want to be the lady that everyone says "She's not much to look at now, but in her day, she was beautiful" "How old is she?" "32". Yes, I sometimes think up entire conversations in my head. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know it's me because it's highly unlikely that there is a problem with every man in the world. Do I make guys uncomfortable with my upfront personality? Do I come off as a mean person? I don't think I do, but then again I don't really know. I'm not gonna lie, I have taken time to plan my wedding down to the littlest detail, but honestly when am I going to actually put it into action? I don't know, the situation in the livingroom just got me to thinking.

Not because I'm telling you what to do, but because I love you

While talking to my cousin Kayla she said this to me. I think they are words to cherish and try to apply to my own life. Not my professional life, but my personal. I am making a very determinded effort to be better. I will be better because there really isn't anything I can't do besides play piano.

People need to quit stealing my ideas! I have about had it and I'm about to flip shit!

I totally understand why I can never follow out with my plans. 1. it's usually my fault. I get too caught up in what's going on around me. The way that I should see things is that stupid little things that go on should not dictate how I go on about my life and my dreams. I cannot keep sitting around worrying about things like SAI and when should I do this and that and worrying about my failing health. That all can be dealt with later. I am a very determined person, but I also tend to fall of the beaten path because of things like partying and hanging with folks. Yes, social interaction is important, but not as much as I have made it. I just have to focus. Stay with my task at hand. I have to make plans, write them, put them into action. Yes, it sounds simple, but my ideas are going to take years to make a reality. I just gotta get my head wrapped around every detail! Because I am making this my life's work, failure is not an option!!!!

"The Girl Who Wears Tie Dye"

I've been hanging out with a lot of different people lately, just because it's a good time and I love it. But, when I talk to them it's all so stupid. What happened to actual conversation? I've been using observation tactics from my sociology class and they are really working. I've come to the conclusion that they aren't unable to hold an actual conversation, but they are worried about the outcome of said conversation. They don't want to express something that might come off as "uncool". It doens't matter if you graduated from high school, you are still in high school mode way after that graduation day. It's not something that just changes over night. Some, it's takes the rest of thier lives for them to realize that it's okay to talk about your feelings and it's okay to have a conversation about something other than alcohol and sex. Now I'm not saying that I'm some big mature adult because I'm not. I would just like some conversation. Just a little chat here and there about life or ideas or something that made you feel something different because we have all had that and the conversation could be AMAZING!
I've started my book. I'm not going to say anything about it other than it's going to be a work in progress for the next 20 years. I have so much to do before I turn 40! I need to get started.

Unresolved

Today after seeing ,we'll call *Alvin* (yeah Sue I'm taking your idea, you can sue me for copyright infringement later) today, I went back to my room and cried for the 15 minutes I had to spare. These tears were unexpected, but I couldn't help it. I cared about this friendship a lot and I ruined it. I could barely muster up a "hey" when I walked past. I will put this on my scale and call this life lesson number 27.

U-N-I-T-Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8cHxydDb7o&feature=av2e

Queen Latifah's rapping career was one that spoke for the equality of women.......Yeah I know it's talking about gangsta life, but I think it's still relevant. :)

Personal Gain

I realize that a lot of things that I have done in my life have been for me. How can I make myself happy? How can what I'm doing right now benefit me? But, now that I believe that I'm alright and I don't need to be constantly boosting myself, it's time to turn the tables. How can I make you happy? How can what I'm doing benefit others? I will call this step 2. I will use past expierences and ideas that brought me this far to make the world feel like not such a scary place and let people know that it is okay to love. Little things produce big results I have to keep telling myself that.

Perspective

I tend to never look at the ordinary without thinking of someway that it could be outstanding.....I see that there is no box and an infinite amount of opportunity. I'm not happy because I refuse to accept reality. I'm happy because I see reality as whatever you want to make it. It's like seeing the glass as half empty or half full, who cares! There isn't even a glass there....yeah think of it like that! I'm just ready to express everything that is burning inside of me. It could all sound like a big pot of unintelligence when it comes out, but it's my pot and I will love it! The biggest thing that I have learned is that every great thing that has happened in this world started as a simple idea. It would eventually expand into something marvelous like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. I think ideas are wonderful and not to be tampered with. People tend to mistake brilliance for insanity...(I'm not saying I'm brilliant, just follow along). I believe these brilliant people refused to have their ideas tampered with. They knew what they have imagined had potential and no self righteous person was going to make a mess of it. It's a sensitive issue; this trying to make the world a better place, when most have lost hope....why? There could be a lot a reasons and I'm not to judge their choices, but I can try to change their outlook from negative to positive.....that will be my first step.

I'm happy...watch me shine!

LONG FREAKIN TIME SINCE I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE BABIES!!!!!!!!
Summer, oh how I love you, but would a little bit of excitement kill ya? I shouldn't be complaining because now I have the money I need to buy ridiculous things on the internet. I am loving this summer despite the fact that I haven't been this boring since I was conceived! I'm actually learning a lot about Polly and how she functions and how sometimes I wish she wouldn't function...(she has teeth like a damn beaver !!!)I currently have 5 bite mark bruises on my arms from her and the thing is is that she does it when she's mad and when she's happy. I can't win. I've been reading about feng shui and I am focusing on finding my center and I've been super happy lately. No, I'm not going to become a Buddhist. I think God would not be happy with me. But, I've really been working on my spirituality as of late. It's like how I see God and how He works in my life. It's a super deep super personal thing for me. I mean it's not like I wouldn't share about it, but it's kinda like my own life line to Him. I think we all have it and it can be found in all different sorts of ways. It's already been decided that when I graduate I'm joining the Peace Corps. I have talked it over with Ma and Dad and they don't really understand, but will support me on my path to change the world. I just need a foot in the door. Just a little opening and I'm going to take up all the space in the room...it's just my nature :) I'm trying to find my focus on what I would like to change. There are so many problems and some are super close to my heart like the abuse of animals, destruction of nature, or the hunger of children. They all fall under different categories, but maybe I could start something in all of them. The main one that has been a fight since the beginning of time is the effort for peace. I've been doing researches on proprietors for peace and they all seem to have one common theme...world peace.....well the world is a big place...Places like Russia don't even know the meaning of the word. I think that I need to start small.... say things like West Virginia peace....then North East peace..the U.S. peace...and so on and so forth. Start small and build up to the ultimate goal. I just have so many ideas and I've started writing them all down. Unlike like past ideas where I try to remember them...it doesn't really work. I even have a few notes scribbled on the back of my Barnes and Noble receipt. I've just been so inspired by life right now that I can't believe that I haven't tried to take some kind of action. My vision will have it's moment in the sun in due time, I do believe......Off to a new subject (sorta) I witnessed one of the most beautiful things in my life. I was taking a walk one day and making a mental image of everything around me and as I was walking I looked down and saw what I thought to be just a pile of bright green leaves. I started to walk over it, but just as I approached it it took off....about a hundred small green butterflies flew up and circled my body. It was almost like a dream. They eventually flew away, but I just stood there while I was being surrounded by these butterflies. It almost felt like Heaven to me. I know I'm sounding a little granola right now, but that's how I find my peace. The simple little things like the beauty of nature are what inspire me to do great things.I'm ready to go back to school, but that means back to reality. I can dig it...bring on life!!!

Sometimes the Bible has to tell me so

I'm done with the crap...tomorrow is Monday and it is going to be a beautiful day damnit. I'm a very easy going person, but I am also very dramatic and I have more paranoia than I know what to do with. Frankly, I'm sick of myself right now. I'm a pissy pants girl with a broken sixth sense that always says...yeah they're upset with you...yeah it sounds like that. I never wonder if someones mad at me there is a voice talking to me in a third person saying well of course they're upset with you, you have to have done something. I tell ya, I aint right in the mind. I tried this thing of trying to be like okay if you don't give me respect then I'm not giving you mine...hell that aint right...plus that aint me. I'm not some Hitler....I stand out in a crowd because of how I am. I'm not going to stand out because I walk around thinking I'm a bad ass.. I really don't and I can't pretend that I do. My name is Hannah Dixon and I have rough edges and I have faults, but I do care when I hurt people. I do care about people in general especially my friends that have become like my family. I'm still young in A LOT of ways, but I'm also finding out that I'm not as young as I think I am. I've had a lot of expierences in my life that sholdn't have happened, but they did and I'm actually thankful for them. They are shaping me into a person who I can say that someday I might actually like. I still have so much to figure out about myself. I'm in a battle right now with myself about why am I like I am. I don't understand, but maybe I'm not supposed to right now and I am willing to accept that. I'm pretty sure I know who I am it's the fact of accepting it and living with it. Ya'll know that I've never been one for not thinking into things, so at this point in my life. I'm a dreamer, a lover, totally capable of anything, witty, and young.

Thats all I have to say about that

This weekend I visited my BFF Heather and tiny baybay. I got awesome clothing from wal mart....I'm not going to deny that I love the Miley Cyrus clothing line. I got some blood work done and found out I'm anemic. I lack iron so now I have Flintstone vitamins WITH iron! I'm soooo excited to have Alissa as my little....I don't really know what to do, but hell I won't ever be bored. I went home and ate super bad, but it's okay because I've lost weight in this last week so I'm doing okay. I don't like veggies all that much so I bought tomato juice to drink....we'll see how that goes. This musical needs to be over and the sun needs to start shining like NOW! I want to run and swim!

hoppin' on the health train

I'm gonna blog about my health
I like fried foods so I am doing away with all of it....I had the cave and I ate some fries today for lunch (SUCK) then tonight I had a pop tart and some Ramon noodles (SUCK SUCK).....Today has been my worst day so far, but I am going to get better. I've taken to running in my room. I turn on some hulu and run in place in front of it. Let me tell you, it really works.....when I'm done I'm worn out and the first day I did it my calves hurt so bad afterwards that I could barely walk. After this musical is over I am going to be hardcore about fitness. I love running and I love working up a sweat. I feel like I'm getting something accomplished when I'm out of breath and bright red lol. I lack motivation for anything at this point in time.....fuck it all!

Sonny and Polly

They are plotting against me I swear it! Polly shit everywhere so I threw her in the shower. I stuck her dirty clothes in a bag and put them in the hallway. I was sitting in the bathroom with her....I hear a crash so I come out to find that Sonny had drug Polly's shitty pants all through the house. So I had to scrub the floor and forget about the tash can that he had just dumped over. As soon as I got done with that I hear a crash in the bathroom. Polly had tried to get out of the shower but before that in the time it took me to scrub the floor she had shit in the shower! UGH! So while I was clening that up I was trying to get Polly dressed as well so I could just get her out of the bathroom. I sent her out of the bathrrom while I tried to clean the damn tub. I get done with that and come out and she is playing the in the garbage that the dog had torn out! Once I got all that cleaned up and her hands washed and what not I sat down in the livingroom and she came to get me and Sonny wanted to sit with me and I shut that down real quick but I'm better now and Polly is on my lap

Cabin Fever

I have been stuck in this house for a long time! As soon as Polly leaves today, I am out the door. I don't know where I'm going. I might just go to my grandma's house, but I have got to get the f out of here. It has been non stop snowing for 3 days 3 DAYS! On my back porch it comes up past my knees almost to the middle of my thighs and that was shoveled a day ago. Now granted we do have rather large snow drifts so thats probably why but still.....forget this snow! My car hasn't moved since it has started snowing and there is about 2 and a half feet in top of it......GAH! This might kill me!